Convicted - For Life

Many inspirational works urge us to "Have the courage of your convictions." I spent a lot of my life having my convictions and living them. The problem was, I kept meeting failure, separation and heartache. It finally dawned on me to give some critical analysis to what my convictions meant to me.

I was surprised at what I discovered, for it soon became plain that "critical analysis" actually means "loving ownership." I've known for a long time that I have strength, will, energy and intuition. What I didn't realize was that I was using these gifts to keep replaying a lot of the old tapes from my childhood.

By taking loving ownership of my thoughts, feelings and dark side, I slowly discovered 4 things I believed. As I worked through the feelings and mental confusion, I found I believed that everything I loved would either die, break, fail or go away.
I felt convicted of some terrible crime by virtue of having been born. These things revealed themselves to me slowly. The gentler I treated myself, the easier it was to face, admit and accept these beliefs about myself.

I learned that my precious inner child believed he was a kind of poison on other people's lives,. And since he wants to hurt no one, relationships became a dance of twisting and turning. All the while seeking to be loved, while doing anything to avoid hurting or being hurt. I learned that when I, as an adult, entered into a relationship I secretly (even from myself) prepared for it to die, break, fail or go away.

Obviously, this is not the basis for intimacy, trust or a lasting relationship. And since like attracts like, I managed to find people (a matter of fate?) who had similar agendas. So I started really walking a path with heart. And as I have journeyed, my life has transformed. It is my belief in the goodness of life and spirit that kept me going through that dark night of the soul.

Having the courage of your convictions is a wonderful thing. We all do it, 24 hours a day. I guess the important question to ask is "What, precisely, am I convicted to?" And you'll find the answers by going into your heart; walk along your path and look down at your feet. You are standing on what you believe. Believe in yourself.

 Next article...

 Previous article...

 The Articles Index...