All In The Family

"If you are to find the sunshine in your life, then you must leave the shade of the family tree."
Someone told me this wisdom originated with the Osage Indians. Whatever the origin, it is profoundly true. I didn't have a settled childhood. It seemed that doom was forever impending. Just around the corner was the next loss, setback or hurt.

The folks who raised me just weren't functionally equipped to raise an active, curious and healthy little boy. Consequently, I quit being active, curious and healthy. Being myself, so to speak, created too many problems for everyone, especially me. I became guilty, fearful and shame-ridden. Then, true to the form in which I was supposed to fit, I hid these from myself and the world.

So now, as a growing-up person, I am becoming curious, active and healthy again. By health, I mean emotionally and mentally healthy. My inner health improves in direct proportion to how far I move away from the shade of the family tree. Home and family have been the two biggest bugaboos in my life. Something I wanted so much and something I was so fearful of. It turned out, once I examined the issue with love and self-acceptance instead of judgment, that I was fearful of myself.

There was only one part of me that wasn't damaged by the abuse I underwent as a child. This part is my soul, or spiritual self. This part of you or I is untouchable by anything earth-bound. Abuse cannot touch it because it dwells on another plane of existence. Therefore, no matter how broken you may believe yourself to be, there is a pure, unbroken and untainted part to you.

Believe in this part, invest in it, listen to it. This is the essence of you, and it lives in your heart. Have heart for yourself, especially if no one else does, or ever has had. Every negative circle, no matter how sorrowful or painful, has to break eventually. The circle of the darkest night is always broken by the dawn. It has no choice but to break. So give yourself a break, have heart for yourself. This is the beginning of real love.

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